I could cry for days
I could scream on tears
I could curse the wind
I could rip my book of dreams
I could lock my self in a room for a day
I could pray for bad things happen to them
I could tell the world it was unfair
I could stop dreaming and start living like a loser.

But I did not do it.

Those can be my next thing to do after I read the top 5 announcement of youth exchange program in my home city. I could probably pick one of them if I don't have a reason to accept it. I used to be kind of person who automatically feel sad for a week but-did-not-show-it, like a smiling girl outside but broken inside, after I face a failure but recently, it is not working anymore.

This week, I had a selection for youth exchange. It was top 20 already and we should pass the interview and talent and culture stage to become top 5. I was so excited for that and I did my best to prepare my self even tho I was in the middle of laboratory measurement, because I always believe that hard work will be paid off and when you are extremely has lot of things to do that's mean you had a chance to sharpen your time management skill which is good for your future.

We arrived at the test day. It was a bright day but my heart was not as bright as the sun. I had thing to be worried and cried for on the night before and it honestly was because of this program. However, I still go for it. It is one my dream I should achieve.

For the talent and culture test, I decided to become a talk show MC and performing traditional and modern dance. For a while, I was so nervous before my performance. I did the rehearsal but i couldn't help that my heart beats faster than normally, specially when they called out my name. So I began as a talk show MC, I pretended to be Ellen and guide the Zarah Degeneres Show which is Ellen Degeneres with my own version. Haha! Luckily, there was my friend help me out as a star guest. She pretended as an Emma Watson (because she is a British accent expert) and the show went funny and full of energy (I'm sure I give my best). Then I continue it with traditional dance, and I could admit that my hands were shaking and I was a bit clumsy and stiff.

But it was different when I did the modern dance specially when the Bollywood song start playing. The true Zarah was on the stage showing off her dancing skill and the judges and the audiences end up like "Wow!" "What?" "HAHAHA!", they LOL-ing over me and I felt like I was a true entertainer and in fact, I love to entertain people.

Well yeah, you know the result. I failed to become top five. However, I didn't feel sad or disappointed for a long time. I just felt it in a second and then I woke up and feel happy. And it was kind of different that I used to be like I told y'all before.

After I think about it, it might be because I have faith in God's planning, I'm thankful and feel enough to be top 20, and it was because my own performance. I give my all into it, I face my fear, I become who I am, and I have friends who support me at that time. When I saw them come just to support me and when they clap for me, it was just more than enough.

I realize a new thing; the quote that said we have to do our best when we do something, it was right. Because when we give our best, we put our soul into our work, and we enjoy, then it will be easier for us to accept all kind of results. Like what I experienced, instead of become a cry baby, I decide to be a happy soul that proud of my hard work. But, you need to remember one thing also, when you already become happy and accept it, don't forget that you are still in the middle of your journey, keep improving your self, keep learning, and keep trying!

See ya!